January 19, 2009
You ever heard someone say something like “Let’s hope some good comes out of this person’s death, lets hope that there was some meaning, some substance and something we can all take from this person’s life”.
In the case of John Travolta’s son we can take some cheap laughs… let me help you out.
Joke 1:
Did you hear about John Travolta’s Son dying???I think they ruled out Saturday Night Fever however he couldn’t keep “Stayin Alive”.
Joke 2:
Heard there’s going to be a sequel to Saturday Night Fever. It’s one of those prequels, though – you know, like Star Wars.
It’s called Friday Night Seizure.
Joke 3:
What’s white, red, and surrounded by tape?
John Travolta’s bath.
Joke 4:
In loving memory of his son, John Travolta is set to release a new film at the end of the year, adding to success of the previous trilogy…
Look Who Isn’t Talking
Joke 5:
Following the sudden and well publicised death of Travolta’s son, it really set me thinking how cruel life could be, for someone so internationally famous to be cut down in their prime. I mean, who next? Goldie Hawn’s dog?
So bad that they surpass bad to become good…
Posted in Culture, Dribble, Evil, Humour, Irony, Jokes, Life, Rants, Religion, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »
November 14, 2008
Transcript of a conversation between myself and a friend of mine below:
Roxy: Oh well, we may be millionaires soon…
Anthony: Yeah, infamous for chopping up babies.
Roxy: Nice.
Anthony: Then we will write a book about easy cook baby recipes from prison…
Roxy: Fetus Fettuccine
Anthony: lol, deep fried fetus feet.
Roxy: Toddler tagglioni, yum.
Anthony: Poached baby brains.
Roxy: Crispy skin new born with honey glaze and caramelised onion served on a bed of mash with rosemary jus…
Anthony: Nice!
Roxy: 5 seasoned rice with braised baby bowels.
Delish!
Posted in Humour | Leave a Comment »
November 3, 2008
Have you ever noticed how when women have children and especially during child birth they are given gifts and drugs and essentially anything they demand?
Then afterwards they always have this grip over men “Nothing is more painful than child birth”.
You know what ladies I don’t think it’s as painful as everyone makes out… I’ve been hit by a car, had my appendix cut out, had throat surgery which got infected and bled out twice I think I know a little something about pain.
It’s all a big conspiracy to have a “one up” on men… it’s general knowledge that women don’t control the world, however they control men.
It’s just one big fake puppet show out there people, open your eyes.
Posted in Angry Rants, Culture, Education, Irony, Life, Rants | Tagged Stir | 7 Comments »
October 28, 2008
Ever said a comment that didn’t go over too well? Ever tried to recover from that comment only to have the hole you are digging get deeper and deeper?
I’m fairly good at putting my foot in it; it’s a skill…
So I’m at a wedding on the weekend and sitting across from me is this girl who is looking at me… after a while she speaks (transcript below):
Girl: Did you go to XYZ High School?
Anthony: Yes
Girl: Did you hang around XYZ people?
Anthony: Yes
Girl: You don’t remember me do you?
Anthony: Can’t say I do…
Girl: I’m Jenna; I used to go out with a friend of yours…
Anthony: Jenna? Jenna Jenna? Holy Crap I cannot believe it; you sure turned out well, I mean in comparison to how you looked at school you’re gorgeous.
Everyone else at the table: *Looking at me as to say Oh My God*
Anthony: I mean really, it’s a compliment, I remember you having pimples and braces, you’ve turned out nice.
Girl: Ummm Thanks.
Yep, that went over so well… What the hell was I thinking?!
Posted in Art, Culture, Disasters, Dribble, Idiots, Irony, Life, Rants, Women | 3 Comments »
October 20, 2008
I’m going to see Stevie Wonder on Wednesday night this week (in concert, as I don’t know him personally).
You know what I’ve noticed? Everyone is such a fucking comedian.
You know I’ve heard all the Stevie Wonder jokes; people ask me why I am having leave “I am having leave to go and see Stevie Wonder in concert” I say.
Usual response is: “Well you may see him but he won’t see you”… you know what people?! SHUTUP!
That joke is old and not funny, I’m all for jokes but come on people, don’t try and be funny if you have no chance of pulling it off!
How about you surprise me with something witty… Like my example below:
Anthony: I am having leave to go and see Stevie Wonder in concert..
Mini Anthony: You know what the hardest part about going to the concert will be?
Anthony: What’s that?
Mini Anthony: Telling everyone your gay…
How much funnier would that be?!
If you want to be as funny as me let me know; I can start giving you lessons.
Posted in Angry Rants, Culture, Humour, Idiots, Irony, Rants | Leave a Comment »
October 17, 2008
I have a friend who is the chief of all that is lame (the jokes that is not the people), he told me a joke the other day; figured I’d pass it on.
Q: How do you get a fat woman into bed?
A: Piece of cake…
Posted in Culture, Dribble, Humour, Irony | Leave a Comment »
October 15, 2008
It’s been a while I know…
I had to post this.
Now I have heard some pretty humours titles for “woman bits” e.g.: “Sausage Wallet” however by far the best up to date that I only just heard is:
“Self Cleaning Oven”
How awesome is that?!
Posted in Dribble, Humour, Rants | 1 Comment »
September 2, 2008
So most people who know me know that I like to dabble in a bit of eBay buying and selling every once in a while…
I sold at auction a laptop computer to a person, now I wont give you their full username for privacy reason however their username had the term “sausage jockey” in it just to give you an idea of the calibre of the person we are dealing with here.
Simple rule in eBay; if you don’t have the money available do not buy an item.
Here is the transcript of our emails:
SausageJockey:
hi could I please pay for the notebook when I get paid next week on thursday sorry for any inconvenience
Me:
Hi,
I put this on eBay for a quick sale, please try to pay Monday or by Thursday at the latest.
I normally require payment within 3 days of auction.
Thanks,
Anthony D
SausageJockey:
I am really sorry to inform you that the tax department have kept my tax cheque that I thought I was recieving today so I will not be buying this item off you sorry again and I hope we can trade in the future
Me:
This is a legally binding agreement you shouldn’t buy in the first place if you do not have the money.
SausageJockey:
I had full intensions of buying it I am annoyed too!!! dam tax department sorry buddy
Me:
Hi,
I will log an unpaid dispute in a few days when eBay lets me.
This will give me a credit back for the money you have made me waste in re-listing this item (this will give you one strike against your eBay account FYI).
In the future do not buy an item relying on other money coming in; only buy items if you actually have funds available this will insure you do not waste other people’s time, money and effort.
Thanks,
Anthony D
SausageJockey:
it is not an unpaid item dispute I had full intension of buying it wish you the best for the future kind regards
Me:
Hi,
I contacted eBay regarding this.
It doesn’t matter what your intentions were because you purchased and aren’t paying, just because you are telling me it doesn’t change a thing.
I’m not being difficult, I’ve contacted eBay and I’m just running through the process.
Cheers,
Anthony D
It really pisses me off when I deal with people like this who just cruise through life and are so used to fucking people around that it comes so naturally to them.
I seem to have a fucktard magnet built into my body which just attracts dickheads like this…
Posted in Angry Rants, Dribble, Idiots, Irony, Rants | Leave a Comment »
August 26, 2008
I’ve been very busy of late and have not paid my attention to my blog.
Today I wish to talk to you fine readers about what I’ve been doing these last few months.
Mostly staying out of trouble, I’ve not had any run-in’s with people or any arguments. I have dealt with a few stupid people along the way however that is inevitable.
I did have one quite amusing conversation with a friend of mine.
Some time ago I had a conversation with him and a few other people about a car that parked down the middle of the lines in a shopping centre; when I probed the man regarding what he was doing, he replied “I’m doing this so MY car doesn’t get scraped by a trolley”, like he and his piece of shit are so much more important than everyone else’s property.
I said “man it’s an XR6 it’s not a priceless automobile get a life”.
Anyway months later I’m sitting at a table with this friend and he pipes out with a story very similar to mine however just a few minor details changed, I waited until the end of the story then said to him “You know that story you just said, that’s actually my story, from my life, you may want to think about using someone else’s story in front of them next time you are telling a lie”.
He just sat there all quite like… quite amusing.
Anyway people, I bid you farewell and I shall post again shortly.
Posted in Angry Rants, Culture, Dribble, Humour, Idiots, Irony, Rants | Leave a Comment »
June 24, 2008
One day a computer came in with a minor fault, purely a software issue…
Now being that I am a professional when computers come in that are full of dust I generally clean them out with a can of compressed air or a brush on the outside of the box.
This Errol chap that I have referred to in previous posts I’m sure at the time had no idea that Static Electricity + RAM = BAD
I thought that cleaning a computer would be up to his level of expertise, however no… (A poor judgment call on my part).
There was quite a lot of dust accumulated between the RAM sticks, so Errol decided it would be a good idea to get a nylon paint brush and move it in-between the sticks of ram back and forth until they were clean.
Guess what? RAM = Dead.
Stay tuned for more Fasternet related TALES OF YESTERDAY!
Posted in Angry Rants, Idiots | Leave a Comment »
